We live in a world of endless ‘shoulds’. You should create more. You should work harder. You should start painting again. The weight of these expectations can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of insecurity and internal conflict. But what if there’s a more effective way to approach the demands of our creative minds?
A few weeks ago, I tried what I will explain in this post, and it made such a big difference just by changing one word in my sentences. It’s mind-boggling.
The Problem with “Should”
The word ‘should’ implies obligation, guilt, and external expectations. When we tell ourselves that we ‘should’ do something, we’re essentially forcing ourselves to act out of resistance rather than choice. This creates internal conflict between our authentic desires and imposed expectations.
This friction is not just uncomfortable; it is also highly inefficient. When we operate from a ‘should’ mentality, we’re fighting against ourselves at every turn. The mental energy spent overcoming this resistance would be better directed towards the task at hand. It’s like trying to drive with the handbrake on: you’ll move forward, but slowly and with the risk of damage.
The Power of Choice
A fundamental shift occurs when we replace ‘I should’ with ‘I choose to’. This represents a complete change in our attitude towards action and responsibility. Taking responsibility for our actions gives us back control and helps us to move away from seeing ourselves as victims and instead start to see ourselves as people who can make our own choices and take action.
Consider the difference between the following statements:
- “I should go to work” vs “I choose to go to work”
- “I should start painting” vs “I choose to start painting”
- “I should be more organised” vs “I choose to be more organised”
The second version in each pair acknowledges your autonomy while maintaining accountability. You’re not a passive recipient of external demands; you’re an active participant, making conscious decisions about your creative life.
The Truth About Obligation
The good news is that you don’t have to do anything. This may sound radical or even irresponsible, but hear me out. The truth is that every action you take is a choice, even when it feels like an obligation. You choose to work on your commission because you don’t want to deal with no money in the bank or damaged professional relationships.
Recognising this doesn’t diminish your responsibility. It clarifies it! When you understand that your actions are based on your values and desired outcomes, you can make more intentional decisions. You’re not just blindly following what society expects of you; you’re consciously choosing behaviours that align with your goals and priorities.
Embracing Consequence-Based Decision Making
This changes the way we make decisions. Rather than acting out of guilt, obligation, or external pressure, we can now evaluate our choices based on their natural consequences. This encourages us to be more honest and sustainable in our approach to our responsibilities.
When faced with a decision, ask yourself: “What are the likely outcomes of each option, and which consequences am I most willing to accept?” This approach acknowledges your intelligence and autonomy while holding you accountable for your choices.
The Path Forward
Eliminating ‘shoulds’ from your vocabulary and mindset isn’t about avoiding responsibility or becoming selfish. It’s about acting from a place of authentic choice rather than imposed obligation. When you consciously choose your actions, you bring more energy, focus and commitment to them.
Start small. Notice when you use ‘should’ and experiment with reframing it as a choice. Pay attention to how this shift affects your motivation and energy levels. You may find that choosing to do something feels very different from feeling obligated to do it.
Living without ‘shoulds’ means living with intention. It means choosing your path based on your values, priorities and desired outcomes, rather than external expectations or internalised guilt. In this space of conscious choice, you’ll find greater efficiency, authenticity, and peace.
That’s what I found out this past week, and that’s what I’m doing right now. Hopefully forever! What about you?
Here’s some more Creative Clutter, what I’ve been thinking about over the past few months regarding my creative life.